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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230335">Numbers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintermorning/pseuds/Wintermorning'>Wintermorning</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1981, Gen, Siblings, loss of friends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:28:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintermorning/pseuds/Wintermorning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In December 1981 Sirius reads letters from his younger brother and begins to wonder about the motivation of Regulus.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>None</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Sirius Black Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Numbers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Another one.”<br/>
When Remus entered the small house and tapped his shoes at the entrance before taking them off and entering Sirius' living room, he had a letter with him. Sirius' attention, however, was only for a few moments on Remus before he turned his full attention again to the little boy, who was stepping towards him on shaky feet.<br/>
“Moons, you see this? We've been training for an hour and little Harry is already running like a champion!” Pride and joy were reflected in his eyes just before pain and emptiness returned, being replaced by a plain face moments later. “Prongs would have been so proud.” Remus dropped the letter in the trash, like all the others before, and caught Harry, who had just lost his balance.</p><p>It was a difficult time for all of them and while Sirius tried hard to find his way in his new role as a father, Remus worked hard to lead the gossip magazines on the wrong track. Everyone wanted to publish pictures of the chosen one, if it were up to them, Harry would probably have been displayed in a glass case in the ministry foyer.<br/>
Just now, just before Christmas, they were particularly intrusive and at each of his visits<br/>
Remus had to be extremely careful not to be followed. So far nobody had found them, so far Harry was safe.</p><p>No one but him.</p><p>While Remus took over Harry, Sirius turned away and stared out into the rain. They were dead now for 50 days and while everyone said that it became easier with time, Sirius could only deny it. It did not get easier, not one little bit. Soon it would be Christmas and of course Moony and him would make it a great day for Harry, but it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same again.</p><p>The letter in the bin got an angry look.<br/>
James and Lily had died, but his little brother was still out there and certainly tried to pull his head out of the noose just like all the other death eaters. He wouldn’t be his alibi, when they caught him he would be there to tell the gamot all the things the Blacks were so very proud of. He just wondered how Regulus had found out his address. These letters were not delivered by owl. Just another reason to be careful. </p><p>“Did you ever open one of them?” Carrying Harry and trying to get his watch back from the boy Remus settled down on the couch. He fought a war that was already won (by Harry of course! This watch would be added proudly to his uncle Moony collection). “No.” Sirius demonstrated what these letters were good for when he let it explode within the bin with a wave of his wand. Harry cheered in Remus’ arms, expecting more sparkles coming out of the bin - when Sirius let explode something it was always fun! Remus sighed but didn’t say a word.</p><p>It was the next morning, so early Harry was still sleeping, when Sirius nearly slipped on an envelope in front of the door. “Bloody bastard!” He looked around, trying to figure out if his death eater brother was still anywhere around here. Not a single sign anyone had been here, deep in the woods, at the back of beyond. In fact it was a place his brother would have liked: the silence, the solitude of this little cottage in the woods. Still he shouted at the trees, at the raindrops, dripping from leafless trees. “I won’t protect you from the aurors, do you hear me? I won’t help a fascist to avoid Azkaban!” He now had the letter in his hands, the envelope with Regulus’ neat handwriting on it, was about to rip it to pieces before he changed his mind. No. Maybe, to end this… another fiery look to the trees before he opened it, put out the content and gave it a look. “See? You don’t need to-” Sirius frowned. This wasn’t what he expected.</p><p>
  <b>85. The number of people I saw dying.</b>
</p><p>Nothing else. Just this number and the note next to it. What was Regulus up to? Sirius turned the page but it was blank on the other side. Slowly he turned around and went back into the house, having completely forgotten what he wanted to do outside.</p><p>
  <b>16. The age when I got the dark mark.</b>
</p><p>The next day he had pinned both pieces of paper to the inside of his bedroom door and looked at them thoughtfully. It was a riddle, wasn’t it? Some kind of mad little game his brother played with him and he didn’t know what was written in the letters before yesterday. He got one every day. He burnt 50 letters, starting the day the Potters died. </p><p>
  <b>19. Death eaters I know by name. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>54. The number of letters I sent you.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>120. The number of letters I didn’t send you. </b>
</p><p>Sirius catched himself waiting for the next letter. Wanting to know which number was explained in the next one. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a game. Maybe it was something like a confession. Sirius was sure the aurors would be interested in the names of the death eaters, but somehow he didn’t want to let them know about this… conversation. It was bizarre, it was so very Regulus. When he remembered his childhood - before he even went to Hogwarts - it had always been this one thing about his little brother. Shy, therefore not very good with words when he spoke, but extremely studious. Bloody hell, why did he think about Regulus this way? He was a death eater, a fascist, probably a murderer and part of his family who would kill him the second they had the chance to!</p><p>
  <b>235. Articles I collected about the Dark Lord. </b>
</p><p>Sirius pinned the note on the door, frowned and narrowed his eyes. He had to… he had to stop it. He collected the notes for two weeks now and it wasn’t like they made any sense. There was always a number and afterwards an explanation. Nothing more. No apologies, no begging for an alibi. He didn’t ask for anything and this was the point Sirius was so irritated about. He wasn’t exactly the most patient person (his name wasn’t Moony, okay?) and now he took the last note off again and wrote on the back. </p><p>
  <b>What do you want to tell me???<br/>
Why those numbers?!</b>
</p><p>Really, he wasn’t the most patient person (he wasn’t patient at all) and he wanted to know <b>now</b> what was the point. No more numbers. No more waiting for more letters to arrive. Just an answer, just… Well, was this Regulus strategy to get him to talk to him? The thought struck him but he couldn’t help but feel trapped. He was too curious now to stop reading the letters and when Remus arrived the day before yesterday, having another letter in his hand, he couldn’t wait to read it. Moony just watched him with his thoughtful but warm smile, while he got goosebumps reading <b>14. Protection charms of your house.</b><br/>
He wasn’t sure if it was a threat then, but felt relieved when the next letter said <b>6. Number of banishing spells I added to them. </b></p><p>He placed the note on his doorstep and if Moony wouldn’t have been there, he would have lain in wait. The only thing he did was to place a new alarming spell that would tell him when someone came close to the front door. Remus would stay for the night. He had looked at him somewhat questioningly but had not asked him why.<br/>
It was 2am when the alarm awakened him and it was hardly 20 seconds Sirius needed to be there, at the door, staring at the new letter. No one was visible. “Come on Reg, you can’t tell me you answered it within seconds.” Sirius muttered while taking it, closing the door behind him.</p><p>
  <b>1. thing I can’t do alone.<br/>
7. Horcruxes to destroy so he won’t return.</b>
</p><p>He wrote back within seconds. Or did he get behind the ward without being noticed? Did he activate it to let him know he was there? Was he still there? Somewhere in the dark? With a jerk Sirius opened the door again. “Come in but you won’t leave without telling me what a damn horcrux is.” He spoke to the trees. No one was there, impossible. But Sirius turned around, went into the cottage again, leaving the door open and wasn’t surprised to hear footsteps coming closer. This little… his brother had watched him. For how long? Strangely, he didn’t feel worried about it but nevertheless he pulled out his wand.<br/>
“Sit down wherever you want and don’t even try to get me to protect you.” Suddenly all the pent-up anger was there again. Why did Regulus join them? Why did he follow the Dark Lord? Why did he think he could come here for help like nothing happened between them? So many questions appeared in his mind but the only one who could answer them was here, right? However, he wasn’t prepared to see his brother again when he finally turned around. He examined the slim figure that had sat down on the edge of an armchair as if he did not belong here. Regulus did not belong here either, he was an intruder, so everything was right with his behaviour here, right? Why didn’t it feel right then? .<br/>
Taking a close look Regulus Black looked like prey. He had always been pale, but he looked paler than he had in his school days.There was something haunting in his eyes - something that Sirius could not define. Those grey eyes that looked at him now, attentive, as ever. The younger Black had always been the listener, not the type of person who liked to hear himself speaking. They were as different as day and night in everything they did, weren’t they? </p><p>It was a wasted time to wait for Regulus to start talking. Not if he was not asked to.<br/>
“So tell me, why me of all people?” A death eater couldn’t expect a warm welcome by Sirius. And it didn’t seem like Regulus did.<br/>
When his little brother finally began to speak the goosebumps were suddenly back. This voice, his voice, he couldn’t handle it without having flashbacks of everything that had been. This soft voice that had been there for him after mother and father were finished with their lectures about how a pureblood should behave, how a pureblood should act and how he was a bad person for not fitting in. It had no longer touched him as a teenager, but as a child they had been an anchor to each other. To be honest, he only half listened to him while being caught in the past but still there were some sentences that hit him hard. “You’re the only one I can be sure of being against him.” Was the first one followed by “I- I tried to warn you but I guess you weren’t at home?” The words needed a few seconds to arrive his thoughts, to sink in. Well, if he just opened that damn letter instead of burning it- “He’s not dead, Sirius. I have this one, but there are six more and I don’t know how I survived to recover this one.” He didn’t ask why Regulus knew about horcruxes. He didn’t even ask <i>how</i> he managed to get to know all these things he told him now. It had been in his notes, right? <i>235. Articles I collected about the Dark Lord.</i> He knew Regulus was obsessed with the Dark Lord. But he didn’t know it wasn’t because he wanted to make him rise even more but preparing his downfall. </p><p>How couldn’t he forgive Regulus for following the Dark Lord when it had been the only way to discover his secrets? Sirius wasn’t sure about his own role in this story: he had to take care of Harry, but he <i>wanted </i>to prevent Voldemort from rising again. He wanted to<i> help</i> his little brother. He wanted to hear his story. And wasn’t this the most surprising thim to him?</p>
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